New Forum! check it out please!

so i created a Pro Ana Mia forum.

i hope you guys visit it, this is the first time iv ever done something like this so help me out, give me feedback, whatever.
spread the word, i really want this to work out!

link:

http://scrumptioushollow.forumotion.net/index.htm

lost more && conquered

finally down to about 100 lbs again! im so proud of myself :)

any ways over the weekend my family had company over so obvious ther was delicious foods. and plus too, its the holidays! so again HIGH CALORIE FAT MAKING FOODS. UGH.

the goodnews.

i resisted almost every bad thing! we have like a dozen bagels from einstien bagel bros. , my dad got me a chocolate cupcake from somewhere, at this party this weekend there was cheese lasagna (this one was easiest to resist haha), and of course the wheat thins, and icream, and cookies that i have stashed around the house. BUT I RESISTED THEM ALL. and even if what i just said was triggering for you, you can keep that temptaion off because i did and so can you!

the badnews.

since iv lost weight im a little worried about how my friends and family will react if they notice :\

i have a meeting with my psychiatrist later this week and i think he might weight me or something or order tests on my blood because i used to be anemic and my mom suggested it last time we visited. ugh….. im so scared. what if he makes me go into rehab or something or go into hospitalization. OR eve worse go to one of those eating disorder places for teens where they make you eat like a bazillion calories per meal!?

well i guess we’ll cross that bridge when it gets here…

ttfn :)

some extra inspiration:

new laptop and update

AHHHHHH!!!! im so excited!

i got a new laptop! :D

for an early christmas present. it sooo cool. and the best part is…. i can get on the blog more! i can look for thinspo more! i can chat on the forums (for ana) more! and it distracts me from eating! its sooo great.

 

anyways, other than that this week has been okay. the only bad thing is ….. i got my period. i was just like WTF. im anorexic, i havent had my period in five months, WHATS THE DEAL!? like about a year ago, i didnt have my period for six months, and it was WONDERFUL. i hate it when i get my period, but it was also a good thing because it helps me starve. i just want my period to disappear forever, so iv probably eaten about 800 calories since wednesday :)

lost some weight. yippee.

ughh so i gotta babysit later, but i will definitely update the thinspo tomorrow! :)

 

heres a little something from me to you!

something fun perhaps?

ughhh. binged today. i had a girl scout meeting. yes girl scouts. its good for college so be quite! :P (the downside is the glorious cookies)
anyways. we had bagels and this like egg pie thing. oh yeah keish i think. so yeah. not good. but i didnt have one bagle. i had three bagel halves PLUS cream cheese. exactly. then i was just like. why the fuck not. and had some cookies. (I GOT TO TASTE THE NEW FLAVOR!!! :D). and then everyone left and im alone in my house (we have the meetings at my house. and then i had russion wedding cookies or whatever and good and plenty and pie crust. ughhhh

good news: since no ones home i can exercise vigorously and not be called anorexic by my twin sister :)

i want to do something fun with the Pro-Ana community out there. soooo i was thinking we could share holiday thinspo? just a thought.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

♥
katy

Victoria’s Secret

who else watched the Victoria’s secret fashion show this week!
i love it. i love underware sooo much. pretty much just because all the models look amazing in underwear and skinny too :)

the same day the fashion show was on, i went to the mall. i went to victoria’s secret/PINK and bought new panties! yay.
i love new underwear too ;)

then two days ago i went to jc penny and got these two amazing bras! haha

so a few questions for you lovely readers…

do you love underwear too?
do you have another secret obsession?
where is your favorite place to buy bras and undies?

haha, i know this is such a weird topic, but iv been thinking about it all week. Ana has a soft spot for being unclothed

another day goes by

it seems like high school is getting exponentially harder. i cant take it. its so hard and no one understands what is really going on inside me. all they see is my face and my body and my expressions. no one understands. my mom keeps getting on my nerves, telling me that i need to exercise more, i keep skipping soccer practice and leaving halfway through the games. she doesn’t understand either. being anorexic and usually somewhere around the 100lb mark makes it hard to play a sport. most people would say that someone as skinny as me would be good just because im not fat but iv destroyed my body. my muscle mass is gone and i if a keep playing its going to become obvious that there’s something wrong with me. i dont want to stop and iv tried several times but every time i get close to getting my period or going somewhere special i back out. i don’t want people to see me fat and not having my period just gives me one less thing to stress about.
at school people try to be nice to me and im sure they’re my friend but deep down i fear that calling them a friend means they know me. i know they dont. i dont think i really have “friends” per say just people who can understand me better than anyone else in the world. but even as much as they understand me they dont realize the depth that i go. i am a Marianas Trench and they’re just standing on the closest sand bar. im changing and becoming deeper as time goes one and even if this extended metaphor doesnt last i know i will, and so will this pain i feel. the depression is all that keeps me from being normal. one of the biggest questions i seem to ask myself lately is whether the depression is what caused the anorexia or whether having the eating disorder caused the depression. sometimes i cant remember that far back. four years. sometimes i see my whole life as clearly as if i had just lived it. right there. in front of my eyes. replaying in my head. taunting me.

what troubles me

im scared

i think i might actually be eating normally.

maybe ill start a fast. i dont know. too obvious?
i tried to throw up a few weeks ago, it almost worked. until i chickened out. then i just felt sick the rest of the day…
if thats what bulimia is then i dont think i would handle it. maybe i could get used to it.

everytime i get home from school i binge, like crazy!
i think it might be because of stress…or maybe i just need better self control?
im not sure…

anyways, i never got around to the thinspo post bcuz i stayed up past midnight doing homework. granted i didnt start till around 530/600…

ugh, just someone talk to me please! i need some support!
[maybe its my ADHD medication! D:]

ugh, so confused!

so i know i haven’t posted in awhile, that’s sort of what i want to talk about.

lately iv been feeling really confused about the whole anorexia thing. one day im like, whats the point?, and the next day im like, i just want to see my hip bones again!.
right now iv been eating kind of normally. i dont eat breakfast and have a 100 calorie lunch, sadly when i get home though i kinda of binge a little. usually on yogurt, tortias, wheat thins, or cashews. then i have a small portion of whatever my mom makes for dinner.

i have many possible explinations as to why i am suddenly uninterested in staying ana.
it was just a summer thing
schoools too hard to be this disordered
guys wont like me
people will find out
evveryones suspicious

well iv decided those reasons are stupid.
make it a winter thing
schools too hard to eat normal
guys hate fattys
people will find out eventually, they always do
so what if they’re suspicious? what are they gonna do about it?

so im starting my thinspo book again and im going to plan some meals later this week when i dont have as much homework.
———————————————-

on another note.
i like this guy.
i still think i might be bisexual though.
i told my therapist about both those things, she said it might just be a phase. im not so sold yet though.
———————————————-

more notes that need to be discussed.
SCHOOL IS SO FREAKING HARD!
the stress is going to make me binge, i know it. i just have to keep strong and get rid of the three boxes of wheath thins my mom thinks she needs to buy every time she goes grocery shopping. hopefull in the trash and NOT in my mouth…

EDIT:
updating thinspo tonight, hopefully!

***
PLEASE COMMENT,DISCUS, WHATEVER
xoxo
kk

Even More Fun – thinspo book

Oooooo! I’m so excited! Today I started to make a thinspo book. It’s going to be GRAND! right after I got home from buying it I locked my door and started cutting out pictures and making notes. It’s SO much fun. I spent like three or four hours doing that. I supposed to be reading my book for school :\… well I use it for other stuff too, like my dysthymia or just things I’m proud of but yeah it’s pretty much thinspo. Mostly. I was just researching what other people put in their books and I can’t wait to add some more stuff tomorrow :)

Here’s what will probably [eventually] go in the book:

Thinspo pics from
– seventeen magazine
– beauty supply store catalogs
– apparel store catalogs
– printed pics (if I can be discreet enough…)
Low cal recipes
Low cal foods + pictures of them
Exercises/work outs
Clothes advice
Things I like about me
Things I loath about me
Triggers
Pro-Triggers
Good things [very broad…]

Okay so I have a question for anyone out there who reads this…

Do you have a thinspo book? If so what do you put in it or do you have any thing to dag about thinspo books or whatever. Just leave me a comment whoever you are!!

Love ya
K

relaxation and inspiration

today is pretty nice and relaxing.
my mom is out, my evil twin is shopping, my brother is probably asleep. everything is great. i just hope it lasts!

i put up some new thinspo. check out my other blog for “collection 2”, just click the thinspo tab above!
i hope you guys like it! :]

comments && feedback pleeaze :]

xoxo
katy