lost more && conquered

finally down to about 100 lbs again! im so proud of myself :)

any ways over the weekend my family had company over so obvious ther was delicious foods. and plus too, its the holidays! so again HIGH CALORIE FAT MAKING FOODS. UGH.

the goodnews.

i resisted almost every bad thing! we have like a dozen bagels from einstien bagel bros. , my dad got me a chocolate cupcake from somewhere, at this party this weekend there was cheese lasagna (this one was easiest to resist haha), and of course the wheat thins, and icream, and cookies that i have stashed around the house. BUT I RESISTED THEM ALL. and even if what i just said was triggering for you, you can keep that temptaion off because i did and so can you!

the badnews.

since iv lost weight im a little worried about how my friends and family will react if they notice :\

i have a meeting with my psychiatrist later this week and i think he might weight me or something or order tests on my blood because i used to be anemic and my mom suggested it last time we visited. ugh….. im so scared. what if he makes me go into rehab or something or go into hospitalization. OR eve worse go to one of those eating disorder places for teens where they make you eat like a bazillion calories per meal!?

well i guess we’ll cross that bridge when it gets here…

ttfn :)

some extra inspiration:

ugh, so confused!

so i know i haven’t posted in awhile, that’s sort of what i want to talk about.

lately iv been feeling really confused about the whole anorexia thing. one day im like, whats the point?, and the next day im like, i just want to see my hip bones again!.
right now iv been eating kind of normally. i dont eat breakfast and have a 100 calorie lunch, sadly when i get home though i kinda of binge a little. usually on yogurt, tortias, wheat thins, or cashews. then i have a small portion of whatever my mom makes for dinner.

i have many possible explinations as to why i am suddenly uninterested in staying ana.
it was just a summer thing
schoools too hard to be this disordered
guys wont like me
people will find out
evveryones suspicious

well iv decided those reasons are stupid.
make it a winter thing
schools too hard to eat normal
guys hate fattys
people will find out eventually, they always do
so what if they’re suspicious? what are they gonna do about it?

so im starting my thinspo book again and im going to plan some meals later this week when i dont have as much homework.
———————————————-

on another note.
i like this guy.
i still think i might be bisexual though.
i told my therapist about both those things, she said it might just be a phase. im not so sold yet though.
———————————————-

more notes that need to be discussed.
SCHOOL IS SO FREAKING HARD!
the stress is going to make me binge, i know it. i just have to keep strong and get rid of the three boxes of wheath thins my mom thinks she needs to buy every time she goes grocery shopping. hopefull in the trash and NOT in my mouth…

EDIT:
updating thinspo tonight, hopefully!

***
PLEASE COMMENT,DISCUS, WHATEVER
xoxo
kk

Just the lighting

So I wasnnt planning on restricting today. Im not sure what I thought I Was going to do. Anyway, I woke up ate finished off the entire box if wheat thins, played computer for like six hours. I was home alone the whole time. Loaded up on yogurt with granola. The high fiber gave me the runs (thank god, lost some food weight!) proceeded to eat cashews (good for acne I hear…) and then had another butt load of yogurt and granola. I actually felt full today…WORST FEELING EVER! I hated it. It made me feel like an awkward fat grease monkey.

Anyway, I think the awkwardness got to me. A batch of hours into my day (now that just doesn’t sounds right. What’s another word for a multiple of about five or six??) and I get up from my office chair, hit my head on the office door and stumble into the bathroom. It gave me a right good bump just to the right on my forehead. Three hours of ice on my forehead and it looks practically gone. My theory: it’s just the lighting…

So I end the day with a meaningless fat ass. Because guess what, I’m pretty sure my period just freaking ended anyways. Now I’m fat.

Therapy tomorrow. I know this is a really sad thing for me to say right now but i dont want to go bcuz shell think I’m fat. I now it’s probably not true but seriously, I feel like I weigh a ton! I feel kinda bloated and Im just a little anxious about going. I hope I lose some weight before I go in. Wish me luck!

Updated my thinspo! Check it out!!