New Forum! check it out please!

so i created a Pro Ana Mia forum.

i hope you guys visit it, this is the first time iv ever done something like this so help me out, give me feedback, whatever.
spread the word, i really want this to work out!

link:

http://scrumptioushollow.forumotion.net/index.htm

another day goes by

it seems like high school is getting exponentially harder. i cant take it. its so hard and no one understands what is really going on inside me. all they see is my face and my body and my expressions. no one understands. my mom keeps getting on my nerves, telling me that i need to exercise more, i keep skipping soccer practice and leaving halfway through the games. she doesn’t understand either. being anorexic and usually somewhere around the 100lb mark makes it hard to play a sport. most people would say that someone as skinny as me would be good just because im not fat but iv destroyed my body. my muscle mass is gone and i if a keep playing its going to become obvious that there’s something wrong with me. i dont want to stop and iv tried several times but every time i get close to getting my period or going somewhere special i back out. i don’t want people to see me fat and not having my period just gives me one less thing to stress about.
at school people try to be nice to me and im sure they’re my friend but deep down i fear that calling them a friend means they know me. i know they dont. i dont think i really have “friends” per say just people who can understand me better than anyone else in the world. but even as much as they understand me they dont realize the depth that i go. i am a Marianas Trench and they’re just standing on the closest sand bar. im changing and becoming deeper as time goes one and even if this extended metaphor doesnt last i know i will, and so will this pain i feel. the depression is all that keeps me from being normal. one of the biggest questions i seem to ask myself lately is whether the depression is what caused the anorexia or whether having the eating disorder caused the depression. sometimes i cant remember that far back. four years. sometimes i see my whole life as clearly as if i had just lived it. right there. in front of my eyes. replaying in my head. taunting me.

ugh, so confused!

so i know i haven’t posted in awhile, that’s sort of what i want to talk about.

lately iv been feeling really confused about the whole anorexia thing. one day im like, whats the point?, and the next day im like, i just want to see my hip bones again!.
right now iv been eating kind of normally. i dont eat breakfast and have a 100 calorie lunch, sadly when i get home though i kinda of binge a little. usually on yogurt, tortias, wheat thins, or cashews. then i have a small portion of whatever my mom makes for dinner.

i have many possible explinations as to why i am suddenly uninterested in staying ana.
it was just a summer thing
schoools too hard to be this disordered
guys wont like me
people will find out
evveryones suspicious

well iv decided those reasons are stupid.
make it a winter thing
schools too hard to eat normal
guys hate fattys
people will find out eventually, they always do
so what if they’re suspicious? what are they gonna do about it?

so im starting my thinspo book again and im going to plan some meals later this week when i dont have as much homework.
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on another note.
i like this guy.
i still think i might be bisexual though.
i told my therapist about both those things, she said it might just be a phase. im not so sold yet though.
———————————————-

more notes that need to be discussed.
SCHOOL IS SO FREAKING HARD!
the stress is going to make me binge, i know it. i just have to keep strong and get rid of the three boxes of wheath thins my mom thinks she needs to buy every time she goes grocery shopping. hopefull in the trash and NOT in my mouth…

EDIT:
updating thinspo tonight, hopefully!

***
PLEASE COMMENT,DISCUS, WHATEVER
xoxo
kk

relaxation and inspiration

today is pretty nice and relaxing.
my mom is out, my evil twin is shopping, my brother is probably asleep. everything is great. i just hope it lasts!

i put up some new thinspo. check out my other blog for “collection 2”, just click the thinspo tab above!
i hope you guys like it! :]

comments && feedback pleeaze :]

xoxo
katy

Ugh! I HATE her!

so my twin sister, yeah shes an asshole. i wanted to watch “10 things i hate about you” tonight and shes just like “ugh, no i hate that show and its just a stupid knock off of a bad movie!” and shes the one who watched silly teen soap operas like 90210 and its so ANNOYING! ugh i just hate her! i told my therapist a few months ago about this one time she was just like “ugh i wish fat people would just stop complaining about how they’re fat and people make fun of them!” shes SO ignorant its not even funny! Plus since shes my twin, everyone thinks we’re BFFs and we do everything together and like the same things. whats the deal!? and she acts like she did nothing wrong!? so anyways, i was forced to watch it in the basement and i missed the first 10 minutes of the show because of her. threw a water bottle at her face :].

now im in the computer room, typing away. she wants to get on and i locked the door so shes trying to pick the lock. seriously? first she want the t.v. now she wants the computer!? well my mom came over and she is totally my superhero. she was just like “leave katy alone, you made her go to the basement so go watch that show you just had to see!” heehee. i love her ♥.

wish me luck for the next 30 odd days of summer,
Katy

p.s.
i updated my About Me page