so i created a Pro Ana Mia forum.
i hope you guys visit it, this is the first time iv ever done something like this so help me out, give me feedback, whatever.
spread the word, i really want this to work out!
link:
so i created a Pro Ana Mia forum.
i hope you guys visit it, this is the first time iv ever done something like this so help me out, give me feedback, whatever.
spread the word, i really want this to work out!
link:
today, my friend told me about this site called Omegle. its a site that lets you talk to strangers. its very handy really. i wasnt feeling that great and so i decided to let it out. im telling you, these strangers are wonderful if you meet the right person.
her was my conversation:
“You: hello
Stranger: why hello
You: hows it going?
Stranger: just pressing on
Stranger: how is it for you?
You: not so good
You: im depressed right now
You: just another day though
Stranger: why not good?
You: im not sure
You: i have a chronic depression i think
You: im anorexic
Stranger: why?
You: because a year and a half ago my family called me fat, even though i was normal
Stranger: does it still bother you?
You: yes
You: i feel fat all the time
You: even though im not
Stranger: why is being fat bad?
You: i suppose it not all bad
You: im not saying its bad
You: i just have a fear of being fat
Stranger: we should have a feast some day
Stranger: and celebrate something
You: that would be nice
Stranger: do you like meat?
You: not really
Stranger: you should learn,, i heart it a lot
Stranger: i could help you like it
Stranger: it’s delicious
Stranger: and nutritious
You: i agree
Stranger: those words rhyme
You: indeed they do :)
Stranger: i’m happy because i’m alive
Stranger: even if i was fat…i’d still get to be alive
You: id rather die skinny than die fat
Stranger: they both die, but one dies happy
Stranger: lol
Stranger: the one who got to eat more
Stranger: or you could do it old fashioned and eat + exercise
You: but how can you live with yourself when your’re overweight
You: iwould be able to handle it
You: *wouldnt
Stranger: just get into shape
Stranger: or don’t get there
You: thats the plan
You: dont get there
You: ever.
Stranger: but don’t stop eating
You: i do eat
You: just not as much as i should
Stranger: kids in africa have kwarshikor syndrome b/c they don’t have enough to eat
You: anorexics dont work the same way as starved children in africa
Stranger: lack of proteins cause water imbalances and their bellies swell up really big
You: starving yourself when your anorexic releases endorphins. its be proven
Stranger: is that sO?
You: it doesnt happen with anorexics
You: its because of their WILL to starve
Stranger: i donot understand it then
You: it is rather complicated isnt it
Stranger: very much so
You: its too bad
You: that people dont understand it better
You: then they wouldnt be so hard on everyone who is. its rather sad
Stranger: this is true
You: i have a question
Stranger: go ahead
You: did you say all of that stuff before
You: because your overweight?
Stranger: nope
Stranger: technically, i’m almost malnourished for my age/height
Stranger: and weight
You: so
You: your normal?
Stranger: average i guess
Stranger: but not the most normal person ;)
You: who IS?
Stranger: exactly
You: thank you. “
ughhh. binged today. i had a girl scout meeting. yes girl scouts. its good for college so be quite! :P (the downside is the glorious cookies)
anyways. we had bagels and this like egg pie thing. oh yeah keish i think. so yeah. not good. but i didnt have one bagle. i had three bagel halves PLUS cream cheese. exactly. then i was just like. why the fuck not. and had some cookies. (I GOT TO TASTE THE NEW FLAVOR!!! :D). and then everyone left and im alone in my house (we have the meetings at my house. and then i had russion wedding cookies or whatever and good and plenty and pie crust. ughhhh
good news: since no ones home i can exercise vigorously and not be called anorexic by my twin sister :)
i want to do something fun with the Pro-Ana community out there. soooo i was thinking we could share holiday thinspo? just a thought.
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!
♥
katy
wow. i really havent been on in a while. school is just WAY too stressful!!
everything is getting in the way. i wish is was normal or thin enough. iv been havin to eat more lately just to keep my energy up for school and what not.
my therapist said it was a good idea to do homework with friends, so i have been. but when ever my friends come over i always eat a lot. like upwards of 1200 cals for that day.
i still havent told my therapist about my ED, i dont think i plan on it either.
i got a psychiatrist and i am now on anti-depressants along with the ADHD med i was already taking. iv been on the antidepressants for about a month. and i secretly stopped taking them about a week ago. it made me feel “not me”. and when i told my therapist about it she said i would have to be on trial with them for about 6 months before she made a decision on whether or not to take me off them. i guess its really not my choice anymore. but when im happy i eat more and then i want to be skinny but i cant bring myself to do it because im “happy”. and then when i did stop taking them i was losing weight again. i could finally see some of my bones. it had been so long. but then thanksgiving came, but that another story. i guess i just wanted to update everyone about how im doing. im still about 106-105 these days. not very happy about it.
might post more later but it have a LOT of work to do for school. i hate school -____-