hello again

wow. i really havent been on in a while. school is just WAY too stressful!!

everything is getting in the way. i wish is was normal or thin enough. iv been havin to eat more lately just to keep my energy up for school and what not.
my therapist said it was a good idea to do homework with friends, so i have been. but when ever my friends come over i always eat a lot. like upwards of 1200 cals for that day.
i still havent told my therapist about my ED, i dont think i plan on it either.

i got a psychiatrist and i am now on anti-depressants along with the ADHD med i was already taking. iv been on the antidepressants for about a month. and i secretly stopped taking them about a week ago. it made me feel “not me”. and when i told my therapist about it she said i would have to be on trial with them for about 6 months before she made a decision on whether or not to take me off them. i guess its really not my choice anymore. but when im happy i eat more and then i want to be skinny but i cant bring myself to do it because im “happy”. and then when i did stop taking them i was losing weight again. i could finally see some of my bones. it had been so long. but then thanksgiving came, but that another story. i guess i just wanted to update everyone about how im doing. im still about 106-105 these days. not very happy about it.

might post more later but it have a LOT of work to do for school. i hate school -____-

what troubles me

im scared

i think i might actually be eating normally.

maybe ill start a fast. i dont know. too obvious?
i tried to throw up a few weeks ago, it almost worked. until i chickened out. then i just felt sick the rest of the day…
if thats what bulimia is then i dont think i would handle it. maybe i could get used to it.

everytime i get home from school i binge, like crazy!
i think it might be because of stress…or maybe i just need better self control?
im not sure…

anyways, i never got around to the thinspo post bcuz i stayed up past midnight doing homework. granted i didnt start till around 530/600…

ugh, just someone talk to me please! i need some support!
[maybe its my ADHD medication! D:]