New Forum! check it out please!

so i created a Pro Ana Mia forum.

i hope you guys visit it, this is the first time iv ever done something like this so help me out, give me feedback, whatever.
spread the word, i really want this to work out!

link:

http://scrumptioushollow.forumotion.net/index.htm

Vacation disasters

Ooookay…
I am so sorry I haven’t been on in like a month. I had lots of things going on. I will get to them, just read the post :]

These ate rough times my friends…

That sleep over I was talking about in my last post went terribly! Had lots of candy and popcorn but drank lots of cold water and snuck off to my room for some quick exercising which must have payed off because that next day I looked practically the same!

Then my evil twin started to get a little suspicious of my sketchy eating habits, had to lay low. I didn’t plan on updating for a day or two.

Then I was really tired from not eating, couldn’t stay up and post.

Had a doctors appoitment for a sports physical. My mom said she wanted to check to see if I was anemic (iused to be) but I just think she wanted to know my weight…. It was 109!! Ew! I gained so much!

THEN I had to go on vacation for about ten days, just got back today. It went pretty well. I felt rather clever when I had light chunky tuna with some salsa, both of which I bought at a gas station, while the rest of my family ate 800cal subs from subway. Hehehe. Sadly, second to last day, my aunt made German chocolate cake and she already set it out before hand so I had to hungrily stare ate it throughout the whole meal. I ate it. Planned on doing lots of exercise bcuz I had a room to myself for once(staying at my aunts house). But no, my evil twin gets scared of her room bcuz my dad told her there were freaking ghosts in that room and she gets too freaking scared and ends up sleeping with me! God I hate my dad. He calls my depresive episodes “funks” and tells me to just get out of them! He’s so ignorant!!!

Then I realize later the next day Thad I happen to get fat on that rare monthly gift day. If you follow. One that I had been tryingbto avoid since last Friday. Till I got fat. Had a minor emergency bcuz we were in a hotel that night and I left my “supplies” in the car. Wonderful. I has my asshole father get my bAg for me, the day was saved. But I still hate getting it. Once I went six months without it because of ana. Pure bliss that was. If only it was so easy now…
I’m thinking I might just let it go so then if I slip up during the school year I won’t get it as fast or something.

Therapy on Wednesday. Thank god!

I had panera for dinner but before that I was up to just 300cals for the day. That’s when I decided I would just let it go for the week to let my buisness finish were it should. It was delicious. I kinda binged a little when I got home though. Wheat thins are my ultimate weakness. If they had less calories that would be all I would eat for the rest of my life ;)

Adios for now updates again tmro. Thinspo too :)

Anorexia

Iv been anorexic for about two year now. I know it doesn’t seem like that long buy to me it’s been eternity. I can’t remember the last time I was so carefree about what I ate. It all began one summer in late august. I was visiting family in louisiana. I never meant to become anorexic, it just happened. I had quit swimming that summer after six years of being on the team. I didn’t excercise as much and I ate just the same and I started gaining some weight. I wasn’t fat. I was easily within a normal BMI. Nevertheless, my dad started to tell me I was fat. His way of telling me I shouldn’t have quit swim team. My sister was right there with him. I jokingly told them that they shouldn’t say things like that to a pre-teen with fragile psychological structure that wouldn’t shield her from the dangers of peer pressure. I now only realize that this was most likely a foreshadowing of my disease. I started to secretly diet, restricted a little bit here and there. I told myself I wasn’t going to become one of those freaky anorexics who eat like one grape for their entire week. Too late. I was getting thinner and it made me feel good. I had a better body than my twin sister, who has always been more popular than me. Then our trip to louisiana came. I packed a snack bag for the car, I just had to blend in. Hardly touched it during the eight hour drive. Threw out themccdonalds lunches and dinners claiming that they were gross or not what I ordered. Eating salads instead. Once I was there I would suck on my sisters mints all day, eat a pancake and some millk and a small bowl of gumbo. After maybe a week of this I started getting sick everytime I tried to eat. I wasn’t bulimic and I didn’t know I was anorexic then. I was 12 and I had no idea what was going on. It would run right through me and I was skinny so I didn’t really care. At home I continued this until one day I passed out from dehydration. For the next three or four days I stayed in bead eating nothing but oyster crackers. I felt so weak. Then I came up with all these conclusions. I must have scurvy or something so I started eating pears and oranges. Then I was still weak and it was still making me sick. Then I was sitting in my bed, searching the web from my iPod and I had a revealation. I might be anorexic. At first I thought that it was an obsurd idea and I just kinda laughed at it. My ribs weren’t showing or anything, how can this be anorexia? I thought. It slowly got comfortable in the corner of my mind never leaving me. I thought about it day and night those few days. Everytime my mother came into my roo to check on me I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her so badly. But I didn’t, for many reasons I think. What would my dad say? My twin is going to think I’m done kind of freak and that she’s better than me, the kids at school are going hto label me as weird and an outcast, that girl with the eating disorder. What if they institutionalize me or put me into a hospital and force feed me? I didn’t want those things, so I kept my agonizing secret quite. I didn’t tell a soul.

I haven’t told anyone in my family to this day and I wouldn’t dare. They wouldn’t understand. So that’s my story on anorexia.