i cant believe i did this.

3 10 2009

so today we had soccer and so i didnt want to be slow so i had like four small bowls of past with sauce and Parmesan cheese. cold. the night before me and my friend were hanging out and we ate a lot of shit and it was just kinda gross. so we made brownies and i ate those before the game too. ikr. and then at the game i feel like im gonna throw up [too bad i didnt] so my mom took me home. and then we had pizza for dinner and i resisted for about an hour, until i went into the kitchen… i had a piece of pizza a granola bar a bowl of icecream and its only 7:30 so who knows what will happen next. im scared. before i just thought this was a phase. and god i hope it is. but iv been “bingeing” for the past week or so. really scary. i put bingeing in quotation marks because i wouldnt eat breakfast and then i would have a 100 cal. snack bar for lunch and then when i get home i would eat upwards of 1500 cals. at the least…

i wanted so badly to weight myself tonight but my sister is still home and the scale is in my parent’s room. maybe if i saw in numbers how bad this was getting i would be able to stop?i always start bingeing when i get on the scale and see a low weight. so what if because that weight is always in my mind i just sort of think that im around that weight still, that i can just keep eating?

i think i just really need some support right now. please please please! comment do whatever just help me through this, help me and ana!




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